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Dogs vs Cats

April 16th, 2008 at 01:10 pm

This is just too hilarious not to pass out. Sent from my mom, an animal rescuer.

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 PM - Rode in the car! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I occasionally vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.

However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

7 Responses to “Dogs vs Cats”

  1. mom-sense Says:

    My mom sent that to me on Sunday! How funny! We chuckled for a good 1/2 hour about it!

  2. littlemama Says:

    Very cute, and so true!

  3. miclason Says:

    Oh! sis and I always joke about this one and, having a dog and a cat in the house makes it more hillarious!

  4. Ima saver Says:

    I love it!!

  5. gruntina Says:

    I really like the dog diary and that put a smile to my face.

    But comparing a good from a dog and the bad from a cat? There is definitely a bias on this one.

  6. pretty cheap jewelry Says:

    I have one of each too, and love em both! They are just different (kinda like men and women, eh?)

  7. sillyoleme Says:

    That is really cute... I have one of each, and it's totally the way they act. When they're not getting along, I usually take up for the dog while BF takes up for the cat. Smile

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